AMENDS in Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous, 12 Steps and 12 Traditions

The more I practiced this step the more I found out how much healing comes from it and not just for me. Sometimes the injured party is not willing to forgive and forget. Regardless, spiritual progress for those in recovery depends on doing their part right and making direct amends. But those making the amends find many times that the person to whom they have harmed is more than willing to accept those amends happily—and a healing process begins not only in the relationship but in each individual. We gain humility as a result of taking a good look at the damage we did to others (and ourselves) and accepting responsibility for it.

Breaking Down Step Nine of AA Alcoholics Anonymous

Guilt and shame anchor people to their past and trap them in old ways that prevent them from growing and moving on with their lives. By tackling step nine, recovering alcoholics can be freed from their past, including addiction. On a similar note, the sixth and seventh steps give recovering alcoholics newfound humility in order to prevent blame, anger, or self-righteousness during their recovery.

Should I Work on Step Eight Alone?

• However, some may be tempted to take this step too quickly with the primary goal of making themselves feel better fast, avoiding uncomfortable feelings that come up when examining negative behaviors.
• The goal of the program is to improve yourself and make strides to be a better person for yourself and your loved ones alike while also remaining sober.
• It is some time since we last saw each other and I imagine that you are surprised that I am writing to you.
• The spiritual principle involved is that of forgiveness, not only from others but forgiveness of self, which can bring healing to both parties.
• If there’s anything I can do today to make things right, please let me know.
• If you have any suggestions for other ways I can pay off this money, which are more convenient I will do my utmost to follow them.

Taking these actions helps us to separate ourselves from the disease of addiction. We come to understand that we are good people with a bad disease. Steps 8 and 9 help us to move out of the shame we have lived in, shame that feeds the cycle of substance use and addiction. We strengthen and reinforce healthy recovery whenever we do our part to repair relationships or reach out to others with support and understanding.

Addiction and Mental Health Resources

• Or there could be situations that were complicated by other addicts, or accusations of stealing more than just money.
• The importance placed on repairing broken bonds and owning up to previous wrongs is underscored by these AA promises.
• Some will have occasional inspiration gradually while many with even a willingness to do this step as outlined will have a sudden and profound amazement that changes their whole attitude toward life and the people in it.
• In the midst of your ninth step, you say to him “I’m so sorry that I stole that money from you and used it for drugs”.
• This growth engenders a willingness to undertake actions that benefit others instead of pursuing selfish gains.

It did not take much of an examination for me to be aware that I have harmed you greatly. Throughout the period that I knew you I behaved in an arrogant, rude, bullying and abusive way. If I had been on the receiving end, I would have felt very deeply hurt by the way that my offer of friendship was, apparently, thrown back at me with such undeserving callousness. At times I would have been very frightened by the threatening and angry abuse. • If the approach is an institution, say a council or a company, we omit points 3 and 5 from the standard approach given before.

An Amend, Not an Apology

However, making amends doesn’t always have to be a nerve-racking, dreadful or joyless experience. In fact, maybe you’ll find living amends that you feel excited about the possibility of healing a relationship or happily anticipating the relief you will feel after having made a particularly scary amends or even paying off a debt. There is freedom that is gained by cleaning up the past, a freedom to live peacefully in the present. I had a problem with alcohol that became so serious that nine months ago I was forced to seek help from Alcoholics Anonymous. I have been following their program of recovery, which I must take in order to get over my drinking and so far, through no credit to me, it has worked as I have not had a drink in that time. As part of their suggested program of recovery, I am required thoroughly to examine my past and to make amends for any harm that I have caused.

• When discussing our amends list with our sponsors, if we are open-minded, we can start to think about these kinds of situations in ways we haven’t thought about them before.
• This acknowledgment unveils transformations within us—alterations unattainable on our own—and underscores the spiritual principles inherent in embracing the 9th Step.
• But those making the amends find many times that the person to whom they have harmed is more than willing to accept those amends happily—and a healing process begins not only in the relationship but in each individual.
• I recognize that you may not trust my intentions or my ability to change today and I do not blame you, but my hope is that over time the changes in my behavior will demonstrate my commitment to recovery.
• By embracing their history without remorse, they pave the way for self-compassion and developmental strides forward.
• At times I would have been very frightened by the threatening and angry abuse.
• Individuals who are new to overcoming addiction will discover an exhilarating sense of freedom and joy.